Let me ask you something. What company are you keeping?
Strange question? Or extremely valid question?
This question right here was the exact question I was asked three years ago and the exact question that I never forgot …. What company am I keeping? Who am I choosing to spend my time with?
This wasn’t an easy question for me to answer because I had to be real with myself. I had to be honest with myself and that was in no way something that I was ready to do. I was not ready to face the reality that perhaps the company which I was keeping and the people with whom I was choosing to spend my very precious time, were indeed not my people at all.
You go through many stages of friendships in your life and they all serve a purpose, and they all come in divine timing. Some people come into your journey for the pure fact that you were meant to meet, fall in utter love and remain friends forever (bless these ones, they are the best). And some are there to teach you, serve you an array of hectic lessons and help you to grow and evolve. These are the tough ones, but they still serve a purpose and without them we may not have arrived at the place where we are today. These are probably the most important ones.
Growing up in NZ, I have always had really good friends – actually, everywhere I have ended up I have developed beautiful lifelong friendships with a few people. My NZ pals – we’re a tight-knit group. We went all through school together, experienced all our ‘firsts’ together, held each other’s hair back at parties together after downing a bottle of Mississippi Moonshine, and just created endless memories together. We were good – actually, we were great! These people are people who I hold very close to my heart and we will always know that if we ever needed a place to stay, needed to hide a body, we had a bed, no questions asked 🙂
Moving from NZ was bitter sweet for me. I was supposed to embark on the journey of a lifetime with all my best friends, as they all headed for the UK. The Universe had a different plan for little old Mary. Just months before the journey was supposed to become a reality I had fallen in love with a total babe! I loved Harps with every inch of my being and there was simply no way I could have left his side for two whole years. He couldn’t come with me due to his apprenticeship, and so I decided to stay (no regrets, at all!).
Months passed by and I needed to get out of NZ and travel. My sister was moving to the Gold Coast and I really started to think about the big move to Australia. After speaking to Harps about it we both agreed it would be a good move! So off we went, with a one-way ticket to the Goldy, and we were excited!
We stayed on the Gold Coast for four years, and holy heck what a big party that was! I met some amazing people, some that lasted, some that were lessons and some that simply had to go LOL! One friend in particular (who I had the absolute pleasure of being her bridesmaid this year) stole my heart forever. She fast became one of my very best friends and that will never, ever change.
After four long years of partying, we decided we needed change. I felt as though the walls were beginning to close in on us on the old Gold Coast. Money had become a big fat issue and I was getting itchy feet! It never truly felt like home – just one big giant punch bowl after the other. I wanted so badly to get moving and in the end we decided it might be a good idea to make a move to Western Australia. Perth WA was where we were headed, the goldmine, the place to make money and start a new life. This was something we wanted, and more so needed.
After arriving in WA we got jobs in the mines. I had met some good people, but only one girl really stood out to me. Her name is Allegra Keogh, and my word did she change my life! There really are some people who are truly meant to come into your journey and stay there! Ally and I had more fun together than you could ever possibly imagine! She was a keeper and to this day I will do anything for her. She’s my one 🙂 a true Gemini like me, the most intelligent human being I have ever met. While rambling on about quantum physics, science of all types, endless conversations on engineering, inventions and trying to get to the bottom of ‘how this was made’ – you name it, we discussed it! She is forever inspiring and holds a huge chunk of my heart. I love you, Skat Kat xox
Anyway, fast forward a couple of years, Harps and I had gone our own ways, I had met Mel, and all was well for a couple of years.
Then I looked around. I guess I had spent so much time in the fast lane, I didn’t realise that I was actually becoming quite unhappy. I realised that that question I had been asked was coming into my mind an awful lot. The company I was holding suddenly felt like something that I was looking at from the outside in. I would find myself in the bathroom at a house party wondering what I was doing there.
What was going on for me? How had I ended up here, in a place where I felt as though all my friends where strangers? I was alone in a room full of people and that was a huge eye-opener. After my partner and I went through all the chaos of making up and breaking up over and over again and again (if you’re unsure of that story, please read my post My Love Addiction), everything seemed off. I wasn’t supposed to be there anymore, I realised that I wasn’t inspired anymore, I wasn’t alive anymore. I was dead. The living dead.
I had moved out to a small town out in the country. It was very cold, the energy in that town always felt off, and I always felt anxious. I had distanced myself from everyone, including Ally, and even myself. Who was I?
This here was the moment that I decided I was perhaps ‘ready’ to answer that question.
What company are you keeping, Mary?
The wrong company, I replied to myself in my head. I, Mary James, am spending my precious time with people who do not align me anymore. How on earth was I supposed to grow and evolve if I had nobody to bounce off? Nobody to talk with about my dreams and aspirations?
This had to change and at that very moment I came to this realisation, was the very moment that I also realised why it was so hard to answer this question.
Because it was hard to leave, that’s why.
To change a situation like this one was not easy. Re-evaluating your friendships is the hardest thing you will ever have to do. The reality of it was that in order to find more inspiring and fulfilling relationships, I had to jump right out of my comfort zone and into a place of the totally unknown! Fuck! You mean to say I had to find new friends … as an adult? Holy shit, that was fun – NOT! Finding friends at school was easy peasy, but I had to literally turn my life upside down, of my own accord, and go out into a world full of ‘cliques’, introduce myself – it was pretty much trial and error! The worst thing about this situation was that I couldn’t exactly turn back and unlearn what I had just learnt about myself. You can’t unlearn what you have already learnt – it’s impossible.
It took a long time to find my people. Of course, I was never short of good friends, it’s just that they didn’t live in the same state as me, and it certainly didn’t make it any easier being a fly in fly out worker because the few people with whom you did have a connection weren’t on your swing. So, the week that I had off wasn’t exactly spent having a wonderful time with friends drinking wine and discussing all types of fulfilling conversation! It was spent going out socialising in different scenes and places I hadn’t been. I was totally out of my comfort zone! Trying to find people who aligned what I was all about. I craved connection and intelligent conversation so much.
Some time went by and I had found myself with my sister a lot, which was an absolute God-send! She’s not only my sister, but one of my very best friends so making the move to Perth and having her come along was the best thing that ever happened! It was tough coming from the Gold Coast party scene with loads of friends everywhere, to hearing crickets in Perth with no solid crew.
After spending quite some time heart-broken and in and out of the relationship with ‘my love addiction’, between all of this chaos I managed to get myself a job on Barrow Island. This, my friends, is where I found my people!
Now, this is one of the exact reasons I believe in the power of divine timing! I had grown a lot by this stage. I was still with my partner on and off, but the Universe was weaving its web and as I look back, it is so clear to me that everything was falling into place, precisely as it was meant to.
Had I got the job any sooner, I may not have been ready. This time I was ready and boy oh boy did these honeys change my life! Most people sit around waiting for the perfect lover, I was after the perfect friends! And I had manifested quite the bunch of people! I had manifested my people, my ones, friends that would perfectly complement me and what I was all about. Our humour, our morals, our love, our passions all aligned. It was easy! the friendships took no work whatsoever. They just worked!
I had won the friendship lottery and I felt amazing!
Life changed a little after this! It just felt good. I felt content within the people I was sharing my time with.
This was so important to me. Finding the right people to spend my life with actually became so important that I stopped everything to fix it. It became a ‘must’ and not a ‘maybe’. It became a ‘top of the list’ priority and it was one of the scariest yet most rewarding decisions I have made.
It was what led me here – every choice I have made has led me here. Yes, divine timing has a huge input in our lives, and just because I believe that the path is set and our purpose is already chosen, I do believe that we have two choices in the manner in which we chose to get there.
We can choose the hard road, meaning you go against the grain, you surround yourself with the wrong people and the party you are destined for is going to become a drama because of your total control over it – it’s the chaos road, the super exhausting route.
Or you can take the natural flow route, the scenic route! The one that feels right in your gut. This is the route that will lead you to your people, and those people will lead you to your purpose with passion, inspiration, fun and love!
So, it may not seem a big deal to you right now, and you may just be plodding along in the wrong friendships, but I think it is a big deal. It’s time, and the most powerful gift you can ever give someone is your time, honey! You can’t reverse time and you can’t get it back, so please choose wisely with whom you choose to share yours.
I know now that when I’m chilling with my people I’m exactly where I’m meant to be.
with all my honeys