Ouch! This one hurts.

Rejection is one of the most painful experiences a human being can endure. Rejection is also inevitable.

Unfortunately in this wicked wild world we live in, we have to endure pain – rejection being one of many things that comes to mind when I think of painful situations.

The fact is we all have to deal with this. Yup, nobody gets out of this one folks!
And to be quite frank, I appreciate rejection more now than ever before!

OK, so firstly let’s look at the feelings … when one is rejected there are so many different thoughts that come flooding in! And even worse very heavy feelings that flood through our bodies. Loneliness! Unworthiness! What happened? What’s wrong with me? I must be unattractive! Did I say the wrong thing? Was I not funny enough? What kind of personality do I have? Do I smell? LOL Who even am I?

Yes, we have all been there. We have all experienced the feelings of crushing on someone, hopelessly wondering if they feel the same way, waiting for their messages, feeling totally DRUNK IN LUST.

Things start getting heated, you feel flirty, you feel the heat – that early stage is just magic, isn’t it? And then out of nowhere you feel the distance, you feel the flee.

This flee (shutdown) hurts. Your heart drops, your stomach is in knots and you sit with a bottle of red wondering WHAT DID I DO WRONG? referring back to the memory box, looking for that moment when it all went pear-shaped.

Now, before I get all fired up over the mere thought of all of that, let’s just get something clear.

You did nothing wrong! (Well, you may have – that’s for you to know and me to never find out).

However, in this situation I am talking about something that simply was not meant to be.

With every cell in my body I can tell you right now, I believe that if something is not meant for you. It just will not happen.

I also came to another conclusion. I believe that there is a dangerously fine line between insecurity and narcissism.

Insecurity being that one would think: Nobody will ever love me, and narcissism being on the opposite end of the scale in thinking: Everyone must love me.

Now these may sound very different but they are hopelessly linked. When we are rejected it’s natural to become insecure and not want to put ourselves out there due to even the slightest risk that it may happen again, but if you really think about it, isn’t that kind of like saying “Everyone has to love me”?

So, if we are interested in someone and they say, “Actually, I’m sorry, but I’m just not interested,” then why is it that we immediately think that the next person isn’t going to be interested? It’s insecurity and narcissism all in one. “Well, nobody will love me and everybody should”.

The truth is not everybody is going to love you and you aren’t going to love everybody either.

I have certainly had to do the dumping and it sucks. They didn’t expect me to love them so I have had to follow suit and have the same beliefs. I want to lead by example and not cruise down a one way street, blind with tunnel vision.

We must come to terms with the fact that there are going to be many people who aren’t going to want us! And, then, plenty of people who are! It’s life. You either have the connection or you don’t.

Imagine a world where everybody wanted everybody! We would have miss matches everywhere and a whole heap of infidelity issues on our hands, and there is certainly enough of that going on. We would have goths with priest and cats dating dogs! LOL

The key is to recognise your insecurity and know your worth.

Take my blog, for example – I have a certain audience that loves reading my soul chats, and yet there are others who couldn’t care less! Lots of people would even totally disagree with my point of view. That doesn’t change my belief that I am worthy of the blog. That doesn’t make me believe I am a bad writer or that I am any less creative! I wouldn’t judge how good I am based on someone not wanting me.

So, in essence, not everyone is your audience.

It also comes down to how you want to live your life. If you want to let negative thought patterns and toxic beliefs get in the way, you will end up living under a rock.

It hurts and it’s scary putting ourselves out there again, but nothing is scarier then thinking about the life you are going to live if you let it cripple you! Rejection will be the least of your worries when your time’s up!

You see, we make the mistake of believing we have all the time in the world to waste, but the truth is we don’t!

We literally have no time to waste. Life goes that fast. In 10 years time you don’t want to look back and think, “Gosh, I wasted so much time worrying about a couple of rejections”, when you could have been doing a million other things to fill your very precious fucking time.

Bottom line – don’t be afraid. Know your worth. And if you are unsure on how to do that, start a magnificent self love journey, read all my posts for little nuggets of wisdom on growth and self development.

Stop wasting time that you simply don’t have on negative beliefs that you are unworthy and everybody should love you. You wouldn’t expect that of others, so don’t expect it from yourself.

As much as rejection tries to kill our ego and assassinate our worth, it’s time to shift our mindset. Go on a few cute dates, follow your passion, live with purpose and your “one” will be here in no time.

REJECT REJECTION.

 

 

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2 comments

Reply

Oh Mary I make it no secret how much I love your writing, I love even more your dedication and application to ensuring that your blog has life and continues to grow through your courage to be vulnerable and exposed for judgement from humans, however, I’m sure as U read that line, that U will intuitively be saying, honey, that doesn’t worry me, because of course, if it did, I would not have this opportunity in life to connect to your wonderful gift of writing.

So with that as my introduction into yet another Mary James classic topic, I will start by saying, I love the saying, “What is for U, will not pass U”.

But by gee, isn’t rejection or the ability to recover or change a perception to rejection a rocky road, not only when U are rejected, but I think more so, the ability to again at what ever moment in life, expose yourself to another bout of rejection, I only noticed quite recently through a communication course that I had a blockage in my ability to ask a girl out. It was very surprising for me that this was actually present when it came to asking a girl out, because I have a very natural ability to talk and communicate broadly and openly on any topic or situation in life, or at least that’s what I thought. What I noticed about myself was, I am very good at connecting and conversing, however, if I was interested in a girl, I would/will only ask her out or make myself vulnerable when she would ask me or if she would ask me haha.

So, it made me look at what it was that was causing me to be this way, what I have seen is, my fear of rejection or my inability to ask, comes from a story that I am attaching to a possible outcome even before I ask eg she won’t this, she won’t that, what if she this, what if she that. The internal dialogue even before it is possible to happen, destroys any possibility that can ever be created, because the story, rather than the rejection ensures I won’t make myself vulnerable at any stage. Now if this pattern was present in one area of my life, then I’ve learnt that it will be present in other areas as well, and sure enough, it has been coming up in a few other areas as well.

I have been taking this mindset on by just chilling the fuck out and not placing a big story on things and also just asking and not attaching any preconceived outcomes to any request, be the outcome, good or not so how I wanted it haha.

So thank U for your wonderful thoughts and your ability to create conversation, I believe it to be an amazing gift when one can create the communication of others through their gift to create a conversation that was not previously present. Great work as always Mary James, keep up and stay in love with your passion, U make a difference in this world. We need more humans like U xxx .Leon.

Reply

Leon darling, thank you. Your words mean the world to me. I am so blessed to have such great people in my life, including yourself. I feel extremely well looked after by all my readers 🙂 just knowing that it has changed peoples lives or even just their day is enough for me. This blog takes no courage as i do it because its my calling and i must. I do it because i love it and it lights me up, enough to raise my vibrations to be the happiest version of myself. I will always write until the day i die and with people like you around how could i not.

Rejection. So hard isn’t it.As i write that i have to try to think back to how i really felt during the times of my heartbreak. My break up. The worst rejection i have ever felt. Rejection for me now is a blessing. We are protected by the universe so what is meant to be will truly be. That break up has turned my entire life around. I found passion, purpose, heartfelt business, amazing relationships. Now my relationship with rejection is very healthy. Its so great that this has all come up for you. You can now work through it and let it go. Im a firm believer in manifestation and the laws of attraction. We must be as careful as we can be to keep our thoughts clean so that we are able to become deliberate thinkers. This way we will clear old thought patterns and create beautiful new ones. Which in turn will bring that into your reality. Its quantum mechanics (more on that later)

Love you Leon!! xoxox

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